he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
