Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
