went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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