I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
