I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Duck Duck Cougar?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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