A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I cannot find my penis.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
