get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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