I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
