i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Hippo gnu deer
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
