I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
