Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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