his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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