He is such a slut. More and more my type.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
