Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
