Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
4 words: hood of his car
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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