i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
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Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
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I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
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