none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
