pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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