he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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