Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
