so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
