Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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