Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
