Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
