wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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