no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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