I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
