Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
