Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
