when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
