This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
