Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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