I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
