I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
