There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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