Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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