belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
