if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
