worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
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Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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