Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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