you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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