Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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