We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
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So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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