Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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