the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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