First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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