He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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