Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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