Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
