omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
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we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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