I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
