Where is the hickey?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
