I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we made out on top of his cat.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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