She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
