I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
