I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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