JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
