Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
