I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
