He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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