I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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