..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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