My room smells like vodka and shame
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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