I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
