Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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