I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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