He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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