your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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