Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
