that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
