the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
