i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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