As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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