I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
