Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
3pm strippers are depressing
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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