if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
