So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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