so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
