My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
